I am who I am... or am I?
Mood:  a-ok

I guess this post is all about perceptions. Specifically, how others perceive me to be.
The other day my cousin Brian called me and asked for some help. Under most circumstances, Id say yes and try my best to help him out, try and have fun while Im doing it, and expect to succeed. This time the request was a bit different cuz theres no way in Hell I can do what he asks. But after me telling him this many times, I agreed to help.
The thing is, he wants to remodel his house. He wants to add on a room, switch rooms around, and do it professionally. Yeah, I cant figure out where I fit in either. And yes, I did tell him this.

He had a contractor/architect lined up to handle every last detail - the planning, the specs, the coding... everything. But somewhere along the line this guy did something to give Brian cold feet and so to the bullpen Brian went for my fresh arm. An arm Brian perceives to be filled with the talent to help him out of his jam. Only problem is, two minutes before getting the call, I was sitting in my seat eating peanuts and Cracker Jack.
This guy Im supposed to replace went to school to do what Brian wishes to be done. Im sure he went for a couple years. He probably paid alot of money to learn this stuff. And now he has a job - his career - where he probably gets paid alot more money to do the stuff he learned. Hes a professional. I am the exact opposite.
I do have a creative mind, I have to give myself that, but due to not practicing enough, I am losing the skill to produce what I see in my head. And when it comes to computers, which is the medium Im expected to use, I have yet to acquire any skill whatsoever. The perception is otherwise. And not just with Brian - pretty much all of my friends have the same view.
How I got that reputation I have no clue. But if you ask my friends about the way I manipulate a computer, theyll tell you Im a genius. Somehow they all seem to think that surfing the net for porn makes me Mozart with a keyboard and mouse.
But my situation gets "better" still. Part of this house revamping will require me to use math. I hate math! I was NEVER good at it. Fractions? Percentages? Equations? What language are you speaking cuz I just dont understand?!

So far we have me using math, on a computer, to redesign a house. And do it all to California building code. Oh yeah, and the programs to do all of this on? Im kind of expected to find this for free on the internet. Where? No clue. If it somehow involves a naked lady, then I have no doubt Ill find it. Probably a couple copies. In a couple different postions... umm... I mean locations. If not... well... shit! Oh, if you want, I can find pictures of that too.

So why must people continue to perceive me to be something I am not? And why wont they listen when I try to explain to them that I just dont have the skill or knowledge to do what the wish of me?

Anywho, next week will be interesting and Ill probably update this with how my first contracting job went. Pray for me. No, pray their house doesnt fall down.

-- DBW --