1. Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.

2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.

3. If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause people.

4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?

5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.

6. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.

7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.

8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.

9. Thank You For Pot Smoking.

10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.

11. If At First You Don't Succeed... Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.

12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".

13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

14. Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger.

15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.

16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.

17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me

18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home

19. I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha

20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me

21. Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

22. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?

23. Necrophilia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.

24. Ax Me About Ebonics

25. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel

26. Boldly Going Nowhere

27. Cat: The Other White Meat

28. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde

29. Don't Be Sexist - Bitches Hate That

30. Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.

31. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window

32. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is lost?

33. If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.

34. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch

35. Saw It ... Wanted It ... Had A Fit ... Got It!

36. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.


38. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.

39. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them

40. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

41. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

42. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

43. So you're a feminist...Isn't that precious.

44. I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?

45. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder